Family / Parenting

You Might Be A Queer Parent If…


1. It’s family game night and you yell, “Let’s play Earthopoly!” and your kid responds, “Do only lesbian families play that game?”

2. Your child discusses Susie Derkins’ gender expression in Calvin and Hobbes.

3. Your kid says, “Only a lesbian cat would love breasts that much!

4. Your kid can list every out musician and actor/actress.

5. Your kid can list every state in which same-sex marriage is legal.

6. Your kid spontaneously changes the words to Pete Seeger’s song, “If You Miss Me at the Back of the Bus” to “If you miss me on the lesbian bus and you can’t find me nowhere…”

7. Your kid has a story that starts with, “Remember that time at Pride…” and ends with condoms.

8. Your kids knew how babies were made long before their classmates.

9. Your kid is familiar with the phrase “alternative lifestyle haircut“.

10. If the following conversation happens at your breakfast table:

buy Lyrica 150 mg online Kid 1 (waving hands around): I have a habit of doing this.

can you order isotretinoin online Kid 2: Why?

Kid 1: I don’t know…jazz hands I guess.


No Comments

  1. You could tweet this entire post! Love it.

  2. esther wifler says:

    very clever.

  3. #4. So much #4. Just yesterday, my younger son asked me if I knew that the actor who plays Sheldon on Big Bang Theory was “out gay.” First of all, knowing to say “out” in regards to a celebrity, that is a marker of success right there. Then he told me his brother had told him. So my kids are comparing notes on out gay celebs. Then hours later, my older son asks me “Did you know that the guy who plays Sheldon is gay. And out?” So, yeah, they are a few months late, but we’ve just discovered that show so it’s news to us. We’re all about #4 over here.

  4. Now I’m wondering if we are, in fact, queer parents. When the kids get home from school today, I’m going to have them color-code U.S. maps according to LGBT laws while I play a medley of Broadway tunes and camp fire songs in the background. That should keep the Queer Parent Police from taking my card away for now.


  6. But in all seriousness. That color-coding map project to a Broadway hits album is a great idea, Deborah! Main difference being that my kids would be mouthing all the words. Not trying to make you feel bad at all. Really. I have a home-field advantage on all things musical theater, and can take no credit.

    Meanwhile: it was too darn fun to think up additional Queer Parent checklist items to add to your list. Some from our household:

    11. Kid suggests that she amend the “My Mom Rocks” t-shirt she got as a hand-me-down by cutting out the “s” from “Rocks” and stitching it up at the end of “Mom.”

    12. Kid, for her first week of class “get to know me” project, notes that she wants her teacher to know that her parents are lesbian (proof positive). That’s after listing other key info like book recommendations & BFFs.

    13. Kids, when doing any future-imagining make-believe, always routinely include both partner options when envisioning each other’s grown up life mate (i.e., “When you grow up and have a husband or wife…” or “When you grow up and have a wife or husband…”).

    Only problem with item #13 is that they haven’t yet begun to include “WHO BABA APPROVES OF.” But that’ll come. I’m patient.

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