Culture / Life / Portraits

Yesterday, I had an appointment at the Reproductive Endocrinologist’s office, to see how my progesterone level is here in my “two week wait.” (Answer: Fair, here are some pills.)

The receptionist/billing specialist is a charming 50-something, and we generally get chatty while I’m checking in or out.

This morning, our chatting came around to why we stay here, instead of moving to Wisconsin to be closer to my family.

“Here, we’ve been able to have my partner legally adopt our son as his second parent. There, we wouldn’t be able to — there’s a bad state Supreme Court decision.”

As universally happens, she expressed surprise that the legal environment was better here.

“Here, the law is silent on the subject. So some judges, in the two main metro area counties, will do it. Others won’t.”

Our chat continued as she expressed surprise about the law being so unclear, and I found myself telling her the whole nightmarish saga of our petition having been assigned to the 1 judge in our county (out of 10) who won’t grant them, and how we had to move to the adjacent county. And how that meant spending down all of our non-retirement savings, but thank God we had that option.

Of course I also added that we better hope I was pregnant, because if we have to move on to IVF, we won’t be able to afford to do another whole move like that if we hit the rotten judge lottery again. She laughed and agreed and insisted that I’m already pregnant.

My point is that this kind of conversation makes a difference, even when we’re having it with someone who is already an ally.

She probably went home and chatted with her husband about the conversation we had, and the next time someone in her life voices an ignorant opinion about same sex marriage, she doesn’t just have a philosophical disagreement. She has a concrete, real-life example of discrimination, and a human story that she can share.

I think those human stories make enormously more difference than any abstract opinion, however well reasoned, can make.

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  1. I soooo agree, Liza. The human face. Eventually there’ll be enough of our faces in the minds of enough allies. Meanwhile, I hope that (a) you already are pregnant, and (b) you fare better in the second parent adoption judge lottery next time around.

  2. couldn’t have said it better myself!

  3. I find that too. Even though folks are friendly and open-minded, they may not know the hoops we have to jump through to legally bind our families.

    On a similar note, I’ve had so many people express genuine surprise that we aren’t legally married… just because Rosie calls Kellie her wife, they assume that all of us in marriage-like relationships are legally married. Sweet that they accept our relationships as marriages… sad that they don’t know how far we are from getting the rights and benefits of legal marriage.

  4. Special Agent Lee says:


    Please call Special Agent Lee at the U.S. Secret Service Dallas Field Office, 972/868-3200.

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