VQ Comes Out: Deborah Goldstein

VQ-comes-out-simple VQ Comes Out – our series of  coming out stories in honor of National Coming Out Day and LGBT History month – continues today with Deborah’s story, in which she likens coming out as a lesbian at a women’s college to delivering a baby via water birth. You read it here first.    ~ The Editors

When did you come out?

I started fiddling with a lady friend in college, but I wasn’t quite ready for a label.  Eventually, after a few girlfriends and more than a few marches and protests, I opted in to the whole lesbian thing – not to be confused with hole lesbian thing, though I opted into that, too.

What got you out?

Delivering a baby via water birth is probably similar to coming out as a lesbian at a women’s college.  It took a while for my newly found sexual identity to gestate, and then I was ejected into a pool of warm and inviting water amongst supportive lesbians and feminists and academics.  It may have been a little messy, but the pain was more empowering than traumatic.  In other words, I came out when I was ready to come out.  No forceps required.

How long did the process take ‘til you were out to family/ friends/world?

I came out to friends and family throughout college.  I continue to come out as I meet new people, but I do find that I come out less often now that our family has been living where we live for a while and now that we’ve established ourselves at work and at home and within our smaller world.


What’s easier about your life now that you’re out?

Never having to play the pronoun game.

What’s harder?

I don’t have to play the pronoun game because we live in a gay-friendly town where there are lots shes with hers and hes with hims.  We chose to live here specifically because we did not want to be pioneers. We did not want our children to grow up on the frontlines of fear and hatred.  But, I’ve always wanted to travel and live all over the world.  While I love the idea that we could settle wherever the wind takes us, realistically we are limited to the places where we would feel safe and proud of our family.  It’s hard to accept that we couldn’t live anywhere.

How are you out in a whole new way with kids?

When we’re with the kids, there’s no denying who we are.  We may try to keep a low profile when we’re taking the kids into a random rest stop off the beaten path during a long road trip, but we can’t run and we can’t hide when Mom & Mommy are by their side.



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