The second family in our VQ Family Series is visiting us from Hamburg. Check out our previous posts in the series and email clare@villageq.com if you’d like to be featured!
A picture of the whole family given to them by their Au Pair
Pagaluñgan Name: Alexandra
wide Age: 44
Hometown: Hamburg, Germany
Number and ages of kids: 2 kids (ages 2 and 4)
Number (and type) of pets: A little dog
Day job: mom, family manager, real estate coach and social marketing think-tank manager
Relationship status: married (with all equal rights and duties!)
Favorite children’s book: All books from Swedish Authors e.g. Pippi Lonstocking, Petersson and Findus, Mama Moo, etc.
Favorite flavor of ice cream: I love ice-cream–Mostly Mango, Caramel and Stracciatella.
How did you create your family?
We tried to hire a stork, but they were all booked. No, seriously, we got married and wanted kids. Since we couldn’t legally adopt them, we decided to find a reliable dad for our kids. We actually thought (and still think) that it was important for the kids to know their father and also have access to him and his love for them. So we asked a good gay friend of ours if he could take on that role. He agreed. I got pregnant with both kids and now we are three parents who discuss all important aspects of the kids’ lives among the three of us. My wife adopted them, so that we, the two moms, are the legal guardians. Yet, their father gets to spend time with the kids whenever he wants and so do the kids with their dad. He has a key to our house and plays a large role in our kids’ lives.
How do you balance work and home life?
My wife is gone from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m., working and commuting. I am self-employed and start work at 6:30 a.m. At 2 p.m., I pick up the kids from the Kindergarten and am so happy to spend the rest of the day with them. Yet, when we are at music, dancing or soccer practice (he kids are busy!) I sneak out my work device and answer emails and/or messages. One day a week the kids are at their dad’s house and I get to work all day. Since I work from home, I do get distracted with laundry and home management while I work. That will fortunately change when I move into my new office in January.
What is it like for queer parents/ couples in your city/country?
We have NEVER had any negative experiences. When we moved into the neighborhood we live in, which is very conservative (mostly single houses with nicely kept gardens and BMWs in front of the house), our neighbors threw a welcome party for us. It seemed awkward at first, but we quickly understood that it was an expression of acceptance. It doesn’t at all seem to matter whether we are queer or straight parents. We are accepted just like any other family. Hamburg is really tolerant and open, but of course it is terrible that there’s still way too much bigotry against any form of non-conformity in this country as much as the rest of the world.
How do you keep the love alive?
Honesty, individual freedom and lots of laughter.
Who else provides childcare? It takes a village. Who’s in yours?
Due to our wild family constellation, we have two dads (the biological dad has an almost husband whom the kids love), many aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas and god aunts and god uncles and friends and neighbors and especially ourselves. We really love to spend as much time with the kids as we can. But it’s good to know that there are options.
Describe your favorite family moment.
Sunday mornings in bed. The moms with a tea or coffee and a good book, the kids with a hot cocoa and a book. The dog loves to be lazy and cuddle with us. I could spend all day like that, but unfortunately the two youngest in the group get bored with it after an hour.
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