Advice / Life

VillageQ Advice from Ms. Radcliffe: Bullied by Our Vegan Son

Dear Ms. Radcliffe,

We love our vegan son. We are proud of his dedication to saving the environment and to animal welfare. But every time he visits us, he makes us feel terrible about our meat and animal product consumption and our leather jackets. On our last visit, we were treated to a lecture about how many hydrocarbons my wife’s Harley blasts into the ozone. Frankly, we’re sick of it. Sick of being told that, as lesbians, we should feel a greater sense of responsibility to the earth and to sentient beings. What does one thing have to do with the other? Can’t we be dykes who love burgers, leather, and turbo? My wife says we should just be vegan during his visits and hide the motorcycle in the garage. But isn’t lying worse than being carnivores?

Signed,

Gas-guzzling in Gainsville


 

Dear Gas-guzzling,

First of all, if five decades of Pride parades have taught us anything, it’s that you can (nay, you must) be leather-wearing, turbo-worshipping, burger-loving dykes. Some folks will always be tempted to lecture members of an enlightened minority that they should know better. Sure, it’s okay for boneheaded heterosexuals to roast baby pigs over an open spit and drive ozone-slaughtering pickup trucks. They don’t know any better. They’ve never fought off oppression. But you were a persecuted minority. Therefore, you should be running an animal sanctuary and subsisting on a diet of tempeh and tree bark. It’s a nice thought.

My dear lady-loving ladies, you have every right to eat what you like, drive what you like and wear what you like. And you should be out and proud about it. If your son’s save-the-world bit is getting to you, it’s probably because you’re feeling guilty. Deep down, you think he might be right: maybe you are bad gays because you enjoy BLTs and moonlit motorcycle rides.

Wrong! The first thing you and your wife need to do is cast off the guilt about your meat-eating ways. If anything makes you a bad gay, it’s being in the closet—about anything.

When your son comes to visit, feel free to stock the fridge with tofu and veganaise, but don’t be afraid to throw a big loin of pork in there on the center shelf to remind the child you loved and reared—and yourself—that you are not going to be bullied in your own home. Rev up that motorcycle and don your finest leather, and if he has a problem with that, respectfully let him know that he is always welcome in your home so long as he can respect your lifestyle. Remind him that you raised him to be tolerant and accepting of all walks of life and you expect him to honor that lesson in your home. Finally, remind him that it could be much worse. You could be Republicans.

Unless, of course, you are Republicans. In which case, you probably should be in the closet.

Candidly yours,

Claudia Radcliffe

 

 

 

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