Life / Sex & relationships

Top 5 Perks of Menopausal Lesbian Partners

My lady-friend may be going through “The Change,” and while she may be uncomfortable at times, I’m considering all the perks of having a menopausal wife.

  1. MORE MONEY! We’re going to save a boatload on tampons – especially because we started buying the super expensive, organic, unbleached cotton tampons because we didn’t want to shove chemical fertilizers, herbicides, insecticides, fungicides, or chlorine up our vaginas. I mean, our vaginas are temples! … Or at least luxury condos. I’m going to start saving for a vacation with all the money that is not going up her condo.
  2. MORE PANTIES!! Period underwear – be gone!
  3. MANAGING MOODS NO MORE!!! There are many benefits for ladies who love ladies IF they take advantage of sharing clothes, accessories, or personal care products. But there are also many disadvantages. Imagine trying to tiptoe around your lady-friend during her most hormonally charged week when you are ALSO at your most hormonally charged. It’s not pretty, and it rarely ends well. Once we get to the other side of menopause, I’m counting on full on tiptoeing while I continue to ride the hormonal roller coaster that is menses.
  4. MORE LADY-LOVING!!!! Now, I’m not saying you can’t have a box lunch when you’re flying the Japanese flag, but often you may be tired or feeling under the weather. Sometimes you would rather eat potato chips followed by chocolate ice cream followed by beef jerky followed by M&Ms until you fall asleep than engage in any kind of sexual activity. And, when there are two of you feeling like ass – often at different times of the month, you may not be flicking the bean as much as you’d like. I’m cautiously optimistic that we may actually get busy more often.
  5. CENTRAL AIR!!!!! We’ve lived in our house in suburban New Jersey for 9 years and not once has my lady-friend complained about the hot, steamy Mid-Atlantic summers. We install (read she installs) the window units every year, and we put up with the noise and diminished light so that we can sleep at night. This year, at the first spike in temperature, my hot-flashing wife announced that she COULD NOT TAKE IT ONE MORE YEAR and that we were going to get central air no matter how much it costs! She has yet to make good, but if it happens, I have menopause to thank!
Tags: , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.