Life / Sex & relationships

5 Things That Pass As Dates After Having Kids

colonially When my lady was first courting me, we took long walks around the lakes and met at quaint little coffee shops for quiet chats. We went to movies, went dancing, and met up at the occasional party. There were long leisurely drives and we talked in full sentences.

That is true for the majority of couples. During the initial dating days, they tend to enjoy spending time together and watching horror movies (such as those recommended on websites like at home to share some quality time together. However, when they establish a family, most things change. This is because parents get usually overburdened with duties, and all they care about is their children’s health and education. Well! That should ideally not be the case, but in practice, it is.

The same thing happened with us also after web had kids.

We love our children – love them – but we have not been great about going on dates since they came along. Even if you and your partner are great at planning dates, things are just different. There are babysitters and timelines and you can’t stay out too late because when you wake up in the morning, the kids are there – waiting for breakfast or singing you a song or complaining that the wifi is down.

In an effort to keep it real, I offer you 5 things that pass as dates after having kids.

Parent-Teacher Conferences



Try this line, “Hey baby, wanna meet up at our kids’ school and sit in chairs that were meant for asses half the size of ours and listen to an adult tell us that our kid has an unhealthy attachment to the class cockatiel?” So hot, right? Maybe not but you are out…in public…without your kids.

Medical Appointments



You probably spend more time at the pediatrician’s office than playing doctor but that doesn’t mean you can’t live a little. You and your sweetheart can make the most of your time in waiting rooms to play a hot and sexy game of Words With Friends and curse the fact that you don’t have the “U” required to spell “queers.” Nothing brings people closer than playing a word game in silence on separate devices.

Coffee Dates


PHOTO CREDIT: Håkan Dahlströmvia photopin cc

You: grande soy no-foam latte. Her: grande nonfat mocha no whip. You stare into each other’s eyes over your fancy coffee drinks and she says, “We still have about 10 minutes before the stores open.” Yes, that’s right – you are at the Mall of America, waiting for Lego Land to open so that you can buy your kid’s birthday gift. This is technically a coffee date, even if it only lasts ten minutes. Ten minutes in Kid Years, however, is like a couple of hours in Pre-Kid Years. Enjoy that first sip, the brief eye contact, and the brush of your hands as you gather your things to get that gift! Unfortunately, this moment, though it might sound intriguing, lives for a short while only. But there are ways to enjoy them for a longer period of time and luckily, you would not need to visit expensive Starbucks to rekindle the sparks in your life. If you already have the Best Grind and Brew Coffee Maker at your house, coffee dates can become a regular thing for the two of you, when your kid goes to school, when he is fast asleep, or playing at his friend’s house. You two can sit by the kitchen countertop with two mugs filled with the goodness of Koa Coffee, look into each other’s eyes, and speak heart to heart.

A Movie In



Picture if you will…a comfy couch…two love birds…one lap top, one iPad, two sets of headphones. What? Sitting in the same room watching separate shows on Netflix is totally a date! Maybe you are on Episode 10 of House of Cards and wondering why Claire’s hair isn’t as good as it was in Season 1 but your partner has already finished the season moved on to Call the Midwife. You can still see each other and think loving thoughts about each other – Claire Underwood can’t stop you.

The Promise of a Date



The most common type of date after having kids is the Promise of A Date. One person says, “Oh my god! We should sneak away for lunch at that new little Thai place!” and the other person replies, “We should!” This is date foreplay but it rarely leads anywhere so just enjoy it for what it is – exciting but all too brief.

So, plan those dates or at least think about them. More than anything, just try to enjoy a few stolen moments.

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  1. I love “dating foreplay” as a THING. I thought it just happened at our house.

    As for Starbucks, it is our three time a week “date.” We go to our Starbucks, chat/tease with our baristas, stand really close because of morning rush.Sometimes I kiss the back of her head while she 4squares that we are there. It is really absurdly special for us…even though we are to-go customers.

  2. How sad is it that T and I manage to do only two of these things: Netflix and Promise-a-Date? Double whammy of parenthood and T’s workload.

    • Right there with you, Cheryl. It’s ok…it won’t be like this forever. Our kids are getting older and leaving them at home is becoming a possibility. You’ll get there too and then ALL THE DATES WILL BE OURS!

  3. I think I have done all of those dates. Recently, Rachel and I went to the abattoir (yes) together after getting takeout coffee at Tim Horton’s. We loved it.

  4. Grocery shopping is a pretty common “date” for us.

  5. Sometimes my parents take the kid, and we do housework together.

    It’s magical, I tell you.

  6. For what it’s worth, I think this post got me a real live lunch date today. Luisa invited me out to lunch and went to a restaurant and had real food and good conversation. I should write about dates every week.

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