Life / Sex & relationships

The Thrill is Not Gone; Just Misplaced

You’ve been together, you and your partner, for a long time.  A very long time.  The Thrill isn’t gone, per se, but you’re having a difficult time finding it.  You know you left it around here somewhere.  Where WAS the last place you left that Thrill?



You still get busy every now and then because it’s more of a busy-ness than passionate affair.   Perhaps you are not Thrilling with the regularity or urgency present when you were first wed.  That’s right, when you were wed because in my day, there was no hanky-panky before matrimony (or queer unification ceremony).  And yes, back in the age of hand-written letters delivered in the post and cloth handkerchiefs, there was much ado about wooing.

There were no smart phones or hybrid cars or Spanx, and we frikkin’ wooed!   During our courtship, we were accompanied by a watchful chaperone and never exchanged any bodily fluids until after we were wed.  And after we committed ourselves to each other in the presence of friends and family, we rode in our horse-driven carriage to our cottage and consummated our love.

Yup.  That’s what happened.

In any event, when we were first wed, the Thrill was easily accessible, and now it’s as difficult to find as my abs.

Parents of all identities may often have to look high and low for that Thrill.  You look behind Exhaustion and under Lack of Privacy and between The Hours of Work and Sleep.  Sometimes, you’ll find it lodged in the Grown-up Toy Box (which is either literally a box of toys or a euphemism for lady-bits should your Thrill involve lady-bits).  Either way, a toy or accessory can inspire a slightly more interesting assembly than your average It’s Friday Night And We Really Should session.

In the early days of our relationship and before we had children, Gabriella and I were regular Thrill seekers.  Instead of shopping for children’s sneakers, we shopped for the occasional Thrill accessory.  In the days of courting and horse-drawn carriages, however, there were few guides to help us along the way.  There was a danger in pursuing new Thrills without such a thing as YouTube to prevent a Thrill seeker from danger.



There was that one time, at the annual Mr. Leather Trade Show, when Gabriella and I decided to shop for some Thrill, and we picked up a bottle of liquid latex and a foam sponge brush.  It was supposed to be a titillating experience, painting your naked partner with a foam brush dipped in a slippery substance.

And it was.

It was supposed to be a turn-on to pose in front of your partner dressed only in the second-skin of shiny latex.

And it was.

And by the time you went through the painting and the posing, the libidinous ripping off of the latex without abandon was supposed to bring us both to a state of hungry, lustful euphoria.

That part, not so much.

What YouTube videos offer in these modern times that the packaging of yesteryear did not was the warning that prior to the application of liquid latex, one must cover one’s body with aloe gel or water based lotion and remove or minimize all body hair in order to avoid the extreme torture of pulling each mammalian hair, one by one, out of its follicle with unforgiving latex.  The sound of my own screams still haunt me.

Those of you in long-term relationships raising children, please do whatever you can to keep the Thrill alive, but for the love of sacred intimacy, be safe lest the Thrill becomes significantly less Thrilling.

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  1. At the beginning of this I asked myself “why?” So you answered that. By the end I decided I would just stick with toys.
    When do I get to meet you you are hilarious you are!!!!!

  2. Ouch.

  3. Wow. I just haven’t lived at all.

  4. Just for your further information, massaging Vick’s Vapo rub into one’s back because said love has a chest cold and then it turning into more because you are not a victim of bed death…bad idea. OMG. Our screams of not passion. Dashing downstairs to the bathroom and trying to WASH IT OFF. Not on purpose, not trying to improve the “Altoids” experience that was a hot fad right about then. Gah.

  5. To quote Shannon: Ouch.

  6. I don’t believe you about the no sex before matrimony.

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