Downton Abbey? Anyone? It’s not for everyone. I get it. But whether or not you are interested in period dramas or fashions of yesteryear or English accents, you will always get your money’s worth with Dame Maggie Smith’s character, Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess of Crawley. She is the Sue Sylvester of Downton Abbey, delivering all the best lines, artful backhanded compliments and biting jabs.
In an earlier season, Lady Grantham sits with Isobel Crawley, mother-in-law to Lady Grantham’s granddaughter Lady Mary. Mrs. Crawley decides to get to know Lady Grantham a bit better and inquires about her own experience as a mother to her children, Robert and Rosamund.
Isobel: “Were you a very involved mother with Robert and Rosamund?”
Violet: “Does it surprise you?”
Isobel: “A bit. I’d imagined them surrounded by nannies and governesses, being starched and ironed to spend an hour with you after tea.”
Violet: “Yes, but it was an hour every day.”
PHOTO CREDIT: NPR.ORG
An hour a day, she said in all seriousness, and we cannot help but laugh at her impossible privilege and her warped perception of herself as nurturer. I laughed a hearty HA! as if to distance myself from this wretched example of motherhood with a shout. And yet…
It still surprises me the impact an hour of parenthood can have on my day. I may be having a perfectly fine day, a day in which I have not broken anything or experienced any household disasters or received bills from companies telling me that my account is delinquent. I may have woken up after a good night’s sleep and had a healthy breakfast and the sun may have been shining and I may have run into someone who complemented my hair or told me I smelled nice. (It happens – the smelling nice thing. It’s the perfume I occasionally spray over my afternoon staleness.) I may have gotten quite a bit done before the children arrive home from school, and I may be feeling an overall sense of accomplishment and self-satisfaction.
Then, in the space of an hour, nay 15 minutes, my two boys can push exactly the right buttons that completely deactivate my cheerful mood and unleash a monstrous beast of rage. Before I know it, I am having an out of body experience, floating over my screaming, gesticulating body wondering how I could have devolved so easily and so quickly.
What started as “Ok boys, how about a delicious and healthy snack while I help you with your homework?” somehow morphs into nigh “STOP TOUCHING HIM!!” “YOU ARE INSTIGATING! I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING!!” “DON’T TELL HIM WHAT TO DO! ARE YOU THE PARENT?!?” “CAN YOU FOCUS ON YOUR HOMEWORK INSTEAD OF CRAMMING CARROTS IN YOUR MOUTH?? SEE!! YOU’RE CHOKING! CHEW!! THIS – IS – NOT – A – CHOKING – HOUSE!!” DON’T TOUCH HIM AGAIN!” “DO I NEED TO MOVE YOU?” “WELL OF COURSE YOU’RE CRYING! YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE STUCK THE PENCIL THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!” “NO YOU CAN NOT HAVE A COOKIE!” “TOUCH HIM AGAIN AND THERE WILL BE NO SCREEN TIME FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK! I MEAN IT!! GO AHEAD – TRY ME!!”
Oh Lady Grantham, I feel your pain. Being a very involved parent can be so very taxing. I laugh at the absurdity of your words and yet I can’t help but dream of life filled with nannies and governesses.
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I love you and this almost makes me want to watch Downton Abbey. Almost.
You need not watch on my account. Alas, we shall but remain bloggers divided.
“the Sue Sylvester of Downton Abbey” hahaha! She really does have the best lines. My mom LOVES her.
And therefore I love your mom.
Oh man. Homework hour makes the witching hour of their infancies seem like nothin’. I was just writing about my homework wars with K. Yeesh.
It really never ends. And just when we get into a groove, they get slapped with a project that makes me wonder about the horrible acts I must have committed in a previous life. Good luck to you!!
Love Downton. Love this. You are lurking in my house again, writing down the action.
We are sisters from another mister. Shabbat shalom!
I LOVED having a nanny. We got to sling all the hateful jobs in her direction so we could be the redeeming angels. Sadly, that’s a thing of the past. Now that the nanny is gone, my 10 year old has taken to describing me as “evil.” And he actually says it as if that’s a bad thing…
I’ve considered getting a full-time, out-of-the-house job JUST to be able to employ a nanny to schlep to activities and help with homework and do laundry. But then I wouldn’t be able to wear the same pair of jeans for days at a time, and I don’t know if I’m ready to make that kind of sacrifice.