Identity / Life

A Peek Into the Future

The year is 2296. We are at a passenger jettube educational station (otherwise known as a school bus stop) with parents and middle school children.

Jamie: Morning, Jesse! Glad you made it in time. We thought Presley might miss the jettube.

Jesse: We had one of those mornings again. Our 7th grader here just could NOT decide what to wear today. There are clothes everywhere because our fashionista couldn’t find the perfect ensemble.

Presley: I promise I’ll clean it all up after school, Parent. I just couldn’t decide if I wanted to express my femininity or masculinity today.

Pax: How, like, binary! That’s so, like, 2 centuries ago, Presley.

Portnoy: Are you reimagining your wardrobe to impress someone? Maybe you’d like to go out with that kid Prius?

Pax: Why do you assume that everything is about dating, Portnoy?

Presley: No! I am definitely NOT looking for a girlfriend or a boyfriend or partner or any kind. I’m too busy volunteering at the Sustainable Farming on Mars Project.

 

Jesse: Hey Jamie, I heard you and Jin are consciously uncoupling. Congratulations!

Jamie: Thank you! We’re super excited about the decision. We really are not bringing out the best in each other, so we agreed that we would be much happier parenting from separate households.

Jesse: Aren’t we lucky we live in an age where our government and our social institutions enable all of us to make those choices without worrying about financial support? Difficult to believe that there was such a negative stigma associated with uncoupling when it’s clearly the healthiest option for so many people.

Jamie: Absolutely!

Jesse: You look ready for new love with that new gender nonconforming hairstyle!

Jamie: Thanks. My friend Zhaxyn cut it for me and was convinced that gender ambiguity would frame my face and bring out the truth in my eyes.

Jesse: Completely.

coach of the future picmonkey

 

Jesse: Well, here’s the jettube. Everyone line up!

Pax: I did a report about how a long time ago, people insisted that females stand in the front of lines and males held doors open for them. Something called chivalry.

Portnoy: Does chivalry mean the act of taking care of someone who is differently abled or incapable of waiting at the back of a line or opening a door?

Pax: Not even! Females were totally abled – strong of mind and body – well, as strong of body as a person could be on a diet of unsustainably farmed, non-organic, processed foods. People just thought that if you presented female, you were weaker, quieter, and meeker than presenting males. THAT was what it meant to be feminine!

Presley: WHAT?!? It was like “Opposite Day” then – but, like, every day!

 

Jesse: Can you please stop saying like in between your words? Kids just don’t know how to speak properly, do they?

Jamie: I guess nothing ever changes in the world.

Portnoy: Neither does parental nagging. Your constant corrections would have to be one of my biggest complaints.

Presley: Like, totally.

 

 

Image credit: Adrian Devonald

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2 Comments

  1. Judy Levine says:

    Hey Deborah,
    The FB lineup was a quote from Christie about female viagra and then your article. Thanks for bringing down from a rage… can we send Christie into past permanently?

    Have a great summer,
    Judy

    • Deborah Goldstein says:

      I shall bring your rage down even further, Judy, by telling you that the article about Christie and a Viagra-like pill was a satirical piece. Of course, you and I both know that he is perfectly capable of saying moronic things, which is why that pill was easy to swallow.

      Wishing you a wonderful summer, too!!

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