Family / Family-building

On Stress…

Lately, stress, and inter-couple stress while TTC seems to be a topic of conversation that’s running rampant through the queer parents blogosphere. I’ve read of some break-ups, some really rough arguments and many tearful breakdowns.

I must confess though. S and I have had next to NO TTC (or otherwise) related arguments. This is because I seem to have married the most patient, understanding woman in the entire world. As I know that I am perhaps the least patient person in the world, this is a really good thing. Though I’m sure there are plenty of couples in which both participants fall into my “not patient” category. And I’m wondering how they are dealing with the kind of stress TTC seems to throw upon a couple.

S and I have seemed to manage our TTC stress as a joint force. We’ve not gotten angry with each other, just the process, and have seemingly been very good at being able to distinguish our anger at not being pregnant yet with any feelings we’re having towards each other.  Then again, I was the one having the temper tantrums (when on fertility meds), and not her, so perhaps she sees things a little differently. Who knows? In any case, I’m almost certain that there are women out there who fall into the “not so patient” category, and may also be in need of some TTC/baby stress reducing techniques.

What I’d mostly like to see is some conversation about stress management happen. What are YOU doing at home, in your partnerships, or by yourself, to manage stress? How does the stress change when you go from TTC to actually having a family? For seasoned TTC’ers, or new parents, what was key to keeping your sanity during the TTC process? For seasoned parents, what are you doing now to maintain harmony in your relationships?

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  1. Oh boy, do I ever have stress. And I’m not so good at managing it. I hear great things about Yoga and breathing and such. I’ve tried the deep breathing, it does seem to help.

    One thing that Kristin and I have found that helps is to have friends over. We get sucked into our own little world where everything feels just so cataclysmic and we’ll be sniping at each other and so on. When it isn’t something really cataclysmic (only feeling that way) and mostly just stress that needs an outlet, all it takes is getting out with friends or having them over… takes our minds off our problems, puts them back in perspective, and gets us back in the habit of speaking nicely to one another.

    But I’m hoping other people have some more practical stress-relievers for, for example, late on a weeknight when your period just arrived and your partner is doing everything you swear you’ve told her a HUNDRED times drives you NUTS.

  2. wine. shiraz. 🙂

  3. (Hey, cool, the Shelleys are taking over the thread!)

    I am the only person I know (although I’m sure there are others) who undertook the TTC journey intermittently. Try for a few months, take a half a year off, try for a few months, etc. etc…

    The time off helped me regain my equilibrium and remember that the decision to try to become a parent is just that… a decision to TRY. Whether it actually happens or not was not in my control. No matter what the doctors want you to believe.

    Good luck, everybody!

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