News & Politics

Match the Unhinged Quote with the Unhinged Person

Lately, we’ve been racking up marriage equality wins faster than Kim Kardashian can get made-for-tv married, divorced, pregnant by another man before she’s divorced from the first, and then get I do’d again. And that’s pretty fast. I mean who can even keep track–of Kim or the changing shape of marriage equality in America?

Remarkably though, Kimmy K is no longer leading the charge in reality entertainment. Nor are those Real Housewives. Even the kinder, gentler storylines on Dancing with the Stars can’t compete with what’s been going in the world of inequality. Those standard-bearers of hate have been publicly temper-tantruming their way through our successes, and honestly, I just can’t get enough. These idiots don’t know enough, don’t have the instinct for self-preservation, to keep what one would think would be a very private moment, a shameful moment of utter defeat as the country systematically dismantles everything they’ve worked for for the entirety of their adult lives, to themselves! Oh, hell no! Unabashedly petulant and jaw-droppingly stupid, these people don’t have the sense god gave a turnip. They are out there everyday, all red-faced and bloated, with tears, spittle and snot streaming down their angry, angry faces, screaming End Times! to anyone who’ll listen (which largely seems to be just LGBT activists), thoroughly unaware that the world has passed them by. They are steaming mad and I have to tell you, I for one have enjoyed every. single. stomp, wail, and scream. I have been rubbernecking the fuck out of their defeats. Reality entertainment, indeed!

It’s like watching a National Geographic special as their cameras capture the precise moment a species takes its last, tortured breath and then dies off–forever extinct. You can almost hear the hushed voice over: “Making very little sound so as not to disturb them, our crew catches, in its natural habitat, the final gasps and wheezes of the native North American Professional Homophobe.”

Since I’ve personally been having so much fun watching them come apart at the seams as they lose their credibility, their careers, their money, and their minds, I thought it would be a hoot to get the whole community together to participate in a little game: Match the Unhinged Quote with the Unhinged Person. Below I’ve compiled a few recent quotes about marriage equality from some our evil nemeses–those driven positively mad by paranoia and an inexplicable obsession with sexual orientation (wink, wink). Below that are the names of the people who uttered those wacked-out quotes.

See if you can match the quote with the lunatic.

Good luck!!!

 

A. “You think Ebola is bad now? Just wait.”

B. “…marriage laws reduce unplanned out-of-wedlock births and the costs that those births impose on society…”

C. “When marriage is redefined, what prevents a person from ‘marrying’ his/herself?”

D. “You can act like it’s not there, you can act like gravity doesn’t work, but I’m going to tell you it will catch up with you sooner or later and you are going to hit the ground and culturally we are going to hit the ground by ignoring the realities of marriage…”

E. “Gay marriage is still illegal in all fifty states because God has decreed it so…our laws will reflect God’s highest law so that our government locally does not deceive our citizens into Hell by telling the citizens this is okay…”

F. “Now is the time for civil disobedience on a massive scale…”

G. “The republic is officially dead.”

H. “When less people get married and you have more children out of wedlock, when you destabilize the institution of marriage, you make the economy poorer and you make the society unstable. That’s exactly what we’re having and that’s what we’re going to see here in America and around the world…”
I. “You cursed brat! Look what you’ve done! I’m melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness? Oooooh, look out! I’m going! Oooooh! Ooooooh!”

 

1 Mat Staver

2. Ron Baity

3. NOM

4. Gordon Klingenschmitt

5. Greg Abbott

6. The Wicked Witch of the West

7. Tony Perkins

8. Paul Blair
9. Peter Labarbera
And if you come across any unhinged quotes from those at the forefront of the fight for inequality, send ’em to us! Make sure the quote is attributed to its speaker. When we get enough, we’ll set up round two!
(Answers: 1, H; 2, A; 3, C; 4, E; 5, B; 6, I; 7, D; 8, G; 9, F)

FEATURE PHOTO CREDIT: WIKIPEDIA

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