The Fosters: Someone’s Little Sister

Piracuruca The finale hardly finalized anything, which of course is the point of a finale – kind of like when literally means figuratively.

Callie shows up at Rita’s place, which is a shambles. Chip bag, a pizza box, and general clutter cover the coffee table in her sad living room. Callie tells her she’d give Rita an “unacceptable,” but she still thinks Rita is a superstar and wants to help find Girls United a home. Callie asks whether the county could help, and Rita says that the county is threatening to revoke her license because of the whole meth-head-burning-down-the-house-and-almost-killing-everyone thing. “Maybe it’s for the best,” Rita says. “Why do you say that?” asks Callie. Is it because:

1. Rita hates kids and would rather eat pizza and chips and grow her armpit hair out long enough to braid in the privacy of her own home?
2. Rita would rather pursue a degree in library science and work as an archivist in a library basement?
3. Rita has herpes.

“I’m tired Callie,” is Rita’s response, which is not as much fun to say as herpes.

Callie is now at work telling Daphne about the situation with Girls United. “Too bad we don’t know somebody rich,” Daphne says as if somebody rich is going to appear out of nowhere and pour money over their heads to buy a house. Cue Robert Quinn. Robert sits with Callie and tells her he wants her to hear something from him first. What could it be?

1. He’s leaving his cold, two-dimensional wife whose hair does not move – ever – so that he can live on a sustainable farm and work the land?
2. He made a hook rug for Callie that he’d like her to have as a token of his affection?
3. He has herpes? (I mean, shouldn’t someone get herpes?)

We’ll have to wait a few scenes for the answer.

At the Adams Foster dinner table, Stef comments that Hayley has been over during school nights a lot. Jesus says they’re studying and also that Hayley is going through a hard time with her parents getting divorced and all. Mariana and Jesus share a bitter exchange. Lena changes the subject with talk of the new principal starting the next day, the number cruncher without an education background.

Callie has a few dinner announcements as well. The Mighty Quinn has offered to host a fundraiser at his house for Girls United AND he signed the papers to enable Callie’s adoption! So, I guess she has not received a hook rug, and he does not have herpes…that we know anyway. Brandon will ask the band to play at the fundraiser, and Lena says they’ll all be there to support her.

The band is now rehearsing, and Brandon sings a syrupy love song that Lou doesn’t like partly because she’s still pissed off that Brandon rejected her and partly because the song does actually suck. “It’s too soft for me,” she says. Brandon is going to edge it up. Lou then says she has to leave because she has a date. So there! That leaves Mat a chance to tell Brandon to watch out because Lou likes the boys in the band. She’ll say that you’re her all time favorite. But she’s a super freak. She’s super freaky.

PHOTO CREDIT: RADIO FACTS

Mariana asks Stef and Lena if they’ve talked about letting her see Ana. Stef gives her the green light. Jesus refuses to go see her considering that Ana was the reason Stef got shot and stuff. Jesus goes to do his homework, and Mariana takes out the garbage. Lena stares at her out the window and says, “It’s hard not to resent Ana. She got to have her babies, and she didn’t take care of them. It’s not fair.” Stef kisses Lena on the forehead, which is practically like doing it on ABC Family.

Next, we see the new principal talking to Lena in Lena’s office. “You’re totally unqualified for this job. I know that’s what you’re thinking,” she says. She follows that up by saying that while she can make Anchor Beach solvent, she can’t run the school without Lena. She gives her complete authority over curriculum while she handles the budget and finance. Lena wants to reinstate the music, arts and school club programs, and the principal adds that they need to add athletics so they don’t lose students because they don’t offer team sports. They are on the same page. This may turn out to be the beginning a beautiful relationship – any maybe a wee affair? Jude appears, and Lena introduces him to the new principal, Monte Porter, pronounced like Monty in The Full Monty, Monty Python, and Monty Hall. Jude has something to tell Lena about Connor. Could it be that:

1. Connor is trying to reintroduce parachute pants at Anchor Beach and Jude wants to do what he can to save Connor from fashion failure?
2. Connor joined a Nigerian ring of computer scammers?
3. Connor has a mysterious condition that prevents him from ever smiling again?

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

Mrs. Quinn (Jill) is hosing a tea to discuss the details of the fundraiser happening that Saturday. The Mighty Quinn (Robert) suggests they invite a few of the Girls United girls to come and share their experiences. Rita explains that it would be difficult to spring them from juvenile detention for a day, but that Cole and Chiara were in a group home, so they would be able to attend along with Daphne. Then they ask Callie how they should explain their connection to her. Callie says if anyone asks, they are all friends. Sophia is very upset that she can’t say Callie is her sister, but Robert says they need to respect Callie’s privacy. Sophia nods in agreement, but we can see that her wacky-wheels are connecting with her crazy-cogs.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

We’re back in Lena’s office with Monte where Mr. Stevens (Connor’s dad) sits with his son explaining that the bruise on Connor’s face wasn’t from his fist – but the door jam when Connor was running away from his father’s spanking. Message: homophobes are child-beaters.

Lena asks Connor to leave and questions his judgment in spanking his 13-year-old son. Mr. Stevens thinks it’s none of anyone’s damn business and says it’s all Lena’s fault, anyway because Lena was the chaperone at the 7^th grade camping trip and allowed the two boys to share a tent. Monte wants to know why that’s a problem, and Mr. Stevens explains that it’s because Jude is gay. Lena is not having it. Jude has not defined his sexuality for one thing. And for another, she stands up so that she can tell him what a bully is – someone who makes threats, spreads rumors, attacks someone physically or verbally and excludes people from groups. That means you, Mr. Stevens! History dictates that Mr. Stevens will see the light after Lena teaches him the error of his ways, but we’ll have to wait and see.

Back in the family kitchen, Lena is taking part of the blame for allowing them to share a tent knowing that Connor wasn’t allowed to come over to Jude’s house. Jude suggests that maybe they shouldn’t be friends. Lena thinks that the answer is not to let the bully win and allow Connor to suffer. Jude leaves while Stef and Lena disagree about whether or not this is a friendship worth fighting for. Lena gets her panties in a twist when Stef says that perhaps educating Connor’s dad is making things worse.

“Sometimes, it’s my job to educate the parents as well as the kids!” Lena says with her righteous voice on. I hate that righteous voice. I want to tell Lena that her righteous voice makes her butt look big – and not in a good way. Stef asks Lena what she would do if the kid were not her son. What would she tell his parents? “…that if we didn’t stand up to bullies and try to educate people, we wouldn’t HAVE civil rights or marriage equality!”

OUCH! I just wrenched my neck trying to look at her way up on that high horse.

“And the new principal?” asks Stef. Lena hits her with “She’s more supportive than you!” Monte and Lena are totally going to kiss a lot on top of a made bed with all their clothes on!

Jesus is in the bathroom checking out his tattoo, and Mariana barges in to get some nail polish. Jesus is wearing a towel around his chest, which does look suspect. Mariana rips it off to reveal his tattoo. Jesus makes a deal with her so that she will not tell moms. The next thing we know, Stef, Mariana AND Jesus show up at Mike’s apartment. Mike excuses himself, but Stef wants to be present.

Ana made a list of all her mistakes. “I’m most ashamed that I loved getting high more than I loved you. You got a raw deal. I’m grateful you have two great moms who love you the way I should have.” Mariana is not impressed. “You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me. I feel nothing. I look at you and you’re nothing. You’re just a very sad stranger.” She’s leaves the apartment. Mariana always gets the best lines – both serious and silly.

Ana starts to cry and Jesus melts. He tries to apologize for Mariana, but Ana won’t let him comfort her. She tells him that he always used to try to take care of her even when she left them to get high. “It wasn’t your job then, and it’s not your job now.” AH HA! THAT explains why Hayley has such a hold on him.

Lena wants to take the bullying matter further and tells Monte that they need to start with a letter to the district as well as the state department of education. Monte takes issue with the fact that Lena wants to go after a parent bully as opposed to a student bully. She tells Lena that they can’t label him a bully based on what they know, and Lena can’t use her position to retaliate to defend her son. Lena does not care for that answer and indicates that she will pursue the complaint as a mother and not as a vice principal.

Connor confesses to Jude that he didn’t tell Jude about what happened with his dad because he didn’t want Jude to know that he still gets spanked. Ok, at 13, it’s not a spanking. Only small children and naughty adults get spanked. 13-year-olds get hit. But Connor is not as concerned about spankings as he is about whether or not Jude told his mom about what they did during the camping trip. What they did?? What did they do?? Could it have been that:

1. they sacrificed a squirrel to the Orisha to preform a Santerian ritual?
2. they used Connor’s dad’s credit card to order pizza so they wouldn’t have to eat hot dogs cooked over a campfire.
3. they pierced each other’s nipples … because they are breast friends?

At home, Lena comforts a crying Mariana.

Mariana: You told me that DNA doesn’t make a family.

Lena: It doesn’t.

Mariana: Then why did you want a baby? You wanted a real daughter?

Lena: Honey, you ARE my real daughter.

Mariana: I’ll always be adopted, and Ana will always be my birth mother, and I hate that I come from her. Why couldn’t I come from you?

Lena. I wish with all my heart that I could have carried you inside me. Sometimes, I feel guilty I wasn’t there for you from the minute you were born. I realized something when I lost Frankie. You only carry a baby in your belly for 9 months, but you carry hour child in your heart forever. That’s the only place it counts. You do come from me, and from Mom, and giving birth to you wouldn’t have made me love you anymore than I already do.

I like loving Lena way better than righteous Lena.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

Lena is not so loving when she tells Stef that she quit her job. Way to make a huge decision without consulting your wife, Lena. Just when you go and say something good, you ruin it by doing something selfish out of principle. Talk about a vice…principle.

Lou is trying out the lyrics to Brandon’s new song, which goes something like “I’m hot, and you’re not, and you can’t handle my whoring ways,” but not exactly. She calls Brandon an ass for writing these new lyrics and gets all mad because he’s written a song that wrongly reflects who she is. She defends herself and gets all huffy, which makes her hugely attractive to a teenaged boy. Brandon kisses her, and she kisses back.

Callie is staying over at the Quinns’ house. Sophia invited Callie so that she’d be there first thing in the morning to help set up for the fundraiser. Getting ready for bed, Sophia asks a lot of questions about Wyatt and whether or not she used to be in love with Brandon and about how her dad killed her mom and why she calls their dad “Robert.” She’s stirring the pot, and she’s clearly cooking up some whack-a-noodles!

The next morning, Robert is setting up Callie’s photographs of the girls from Girls United. He is impressed with her photographic abilities. The Adams Fosters show up. Mariana is a brunette again! Callie tells her that she missed the brunette Mariana. Stef says that she did, too. “That’s because you wanted to be the only blond in the house,” Mariana says. Me thinks she speaks the truth.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

Stef catches Jesus sending a text. “Hey, what’s so important?” she asks. “Hayley’s sort of freaking out. She wanted me to blow this off so I could take care of her. I’ve got to take care of myself sometimes, ya know?” So maybe he learned a little something from his repentant birth mother, after all.

The band plays. Brandon and Lou exchange happy looks, and Mat is not happy about it. But they rock, so everyone claps.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

Rita thanks Callie for not letting her give up and then she questions why Callie doesn’t want a relationship with The Mighty Quinn who clearly loves her. Stef questions why Stef doesn’t ask for her job back. Lena wants to know who will fight for Jude, and Stef says that she will but that she can see there are grey areas. Lena does not like grey, especially when it matches Monte’s. Maybe the clothed kissing will not happen for a few more episodes.

Lena excuses herself to get a drink when Mike shows up. Stef tells him Lena quit her job but not for reasons she thinks. Lena didn’t get the principal position and lost the baby and wants control over her life. Jude is listening in.

Callie takes the stage and makes a speech about Girls United and Rita and how grateful she is to both. She thanks Rita for giving her the courage to embrace everything that she is and not to be afraid to accept love. Then she acknowledges Robert Quinn for being a really nice guy and for being her father! Well, the Quinns are just pleased as punch to hear announce that Robert is her father. Sophia takes Callie aside to tell her that now they can be a family because she took the signed papers out of the mail and ripped them up. Uh oh. Now, I’m picturing Sophia going all “Misery” on Callie’s ass, breaking her legs and tying her up because she is Callie’s number one sister!

PHOTO CREDIT: TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX

Stef and Lena are checking in with Jude after Callie acknowledged Robert Quinn as her father. Jude is more concerned that Lena quit her job because of him. Lena tells him that she quit because “someone has to stand up to bullying” and that she cares more about defending Jude than about her job. But Jude doesn’t think that Lena should defend him because Connor and Jude DID do something on the camping trip that was wrong. We won’t find out what it is until next season, but I’m thinking it wasn’t the Santeria.

Sophia is defending herself to The Mighty Quinn and says that she was sure that if Callie spent more time with them, she’d see they were a family. Robert excuses her leaving Callie to tell him that she’s really trying not to be angry with Sophia. Robert says he understands because Sophia is getting attached to Callie as is he. Now he doesn’t want to sign new papers after hearing her say that he’s her father, and he can’t abandon her. I blame Rita.

Callie is furious. She tells The Mighty Quinn that she doesn’t love him and that she’ll never live in their house or call him her father again. He just wants her to be happy, but Callie insists that she won’t be happy ever. She runs past Sophia who says she’s sorry and that she wants her to be with them. “I’m your sister,” Sophia says. “No you’re not,” Callie yells. “You’re a spoiled little brat!” Sophia cries her way to the bathroom and shuts herself in leading us to believe that she will:

1. wax her bikini area, or
2. grout the floor tiles, or
3. possibly do some self-harm because she is not so much a spoiled brat as an unhinged adolescent suffering in silence.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

Brandon sees Callie running out of the house and chases after her. Callie tells him what’s happening, and Brandon assures her that they can’t make her live with them and that they’ll always be her family. Callie is sure she’ll never be adopted and begins to believe that maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be. She turns to Brandon and whispers that gave up so much, and then the finale ends with the two of them kissing. A lot. Mutually. And now I have lost my appetite.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

Next season we hope to learn:

1. what Jude and Connor did in the woods,
2. whose family Callie chooses,
3. how many episodes it takes before Stef pushes Lena into Monte’s arms,
4. what kind of name Monte is,
5. what kind of damage Sophia has done to herself – or to the floor tiles,
6. what kind of damage Hayley will do once Jesus removes the tattoo,
7. whether Stef will ever be right – EVER!! …and
8. whether Lena’s mother will arrange for Connor’s dad Mr. Stevens to have a little accident. (You didn’t think I’d forget, did you?)

PHOTO CREDIT: NETFLIX