Culture / Entertainment

The Fosters: Leaky Faucets

Lena and Jude are still on a school trip, but Lena is “dialing in” occasionally. Of course, this is all due to the wonderful news that is real life. Back in May Sherri Saum and husband Kamar de los Reyes welcomed two little babies of their very own, John Rubén and Michael Luís.

PHOTO CREDIT: PEOPLE

PHOTO CREDIT: PEOPLE

Sherri’s been taking care of her chicklets and letting Stef take care of their television family. Perhaps we should have gone on hiatus right about then. Stef doesn’t seem to know what’s going on around her, and she could really use some help from her wiser, more capable, intensely righteous other half.

Lena returns next week for the season finale.

Mariana is getting ready for a date with Mat, the guy that makes her feel really uncomfortable. She wants to look sexy but no too sexy, soft but not easy, something that says “I’m a girl, but don’t treat me like one.” Callie adds, “Attractive but not vulnerable.” “Yeah,” says Mariana. “Like you.” And such plants the seed in this episode’s fertile soil about strength and vulnerability.

In the kitchen, suited-up Stef is getting ready to work a security job at a funeral for a few extra bucks on what is apparently a Sunday. Jesus wants to know when the funeral will be over to which Stef replies, “Why? Planning another party?” And from the looks of everyone, it is clear that no one has suffered a single consequence of the unauthorized party that ended with a shattered living room window. But now the kids know that she knows and that seems to be enough.

As they discuss their plans for the day, Brandon says he’ll be with Lou at a music festival. Stef tells him to take Callie, and he agrees to pick her up after therapy – her therapy, not his. He’s still not therapizing, unfortunately. Brandon asks how Lena is doing. Stef says ok with an unconvincing smile. “It’s been good for her to take some time off and spend time away.”

HUH?!? She may be camping, but she’s camping with an entire 7th grade class, one of whom is her son, so she is both working and mothering and surrounded by children. What kind of get away is that? I am particularly irritated on her behalf after spending the last six weeks working at my kids’ camp. While I have no complaints about my summer job, I will tell you that it was definitely not in any way, shape, or form, time off though I was not in my house or in any kind of office. But, the writers will convince us that Lena has been grateful for the time in nature despite sleeping under the stars with a bunch of adolescents. The writers are not getting a Christmas card from me this year.

Stef instructs Brandon to take a casserole dish back to Mike’s house because Mike is lost without his casserole dish – and also because she wants him to go talk to his dad. Whether she’ll get a casserole out of the deal is unclear. When he does appear at Mike’s door, Mike says he can’t invite Brandon in because he’s gotta run. What we realize after Brandon leaves is that Ana is in his apartment!! They’re reading the Alcoholics Anonymous book, and Ana reads aloud the part about making amends for all the damage she’s caused.

Mat surprises Mariana by taking her to the Santa Cecilia Fair, the very one Brandon was going to attend with Lou. Mariana no está feliz.

We listen in on Callie’s therapy session. Her therapist determines that Callie doesn’t trust herself and needs to practice trusting and acting on her instincts. The therapist says she should trust Wyatt until he gives her a reason not to trust him. I smell a reason not to trust him. Smells like spoiled milk.

Jesus is leading Hayley blindfolded to the really big surprise she pushed him into organizing for her. Turns out, he’s got candles burning in the garage and music playing to celebrate the day they first made love, though I’m sure love was not part of the equation. Hayley is furious. “We haven’t even had a real first date. Is this what you think of me? All you think I am? Some girl to get naked with? This is your plan for our big, special date – sex on a nasty old couch?” Jesus is deflated. He picked the petals that he threw on the floor all by himself. He recovers with a bullshit story about it being Part I of their date. And then Stef appears at the door.

“Hello Hayley. How are ya?” she asks with the most perfect you’re-so-busted grin.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

Jesus: I thought you were at a funeral.

Stef: I can see that’s what you thought. They had to cancel. Someone forgot to dig the grave.

Does that happen? And then they have to reschedule the funeral? Does insurance cover undug holes? As if I didn’t have enough to worry about.

Stef reminds Jesus that there are no girls behind closed doors. Jesus says that’s not fair. What if he’s gay. “Are you?” asks Stef. “No.” “So closed doors with anyone.” Well played, Stef.

Brandon shows up at the Mexican fair to a bright eyed, smiling Lou who’s face sinks a little at the sight of Callie bringing up the rear. Luckily, Callie has invited Wyatt and the couples go their separate ways agreeing to meet up later. Callie confesses to Wyatt that she’s been having panic attacks ever since their failed attempt at boning, but she trusts him now to be right there for her. We then get a glimpse of Fosters villain Liam who is at the Mexican fair along with EVERYONE ELSE – just like that one time at that party when lots of bad things happen. Hmmm. Might something bad happen? Naw….

Lena and Stef talk via video conference. Lena goes on some more about being in nature and being able to just be. She wants Stef to try to meditate. They’re both grieving, after all. Stef says she’ll try, but we don’t buy it. She never seemed too sad about the baby, and we kind of thought maybe she was relieved. Instead she makes her way to the leaky sink in the master bathroom and decides she’s going to fix it. Hash tag: RealLesbiansGrieveWithTools.

Jesus is scoring many points by brining Hayley to…. the Mexican fair. I wonder if Rita will be there, too. She’s not working right now given all her girls (and boy) are in juvie. Jesus tells her that he had done a bunch of research for all the cool events going on that weekend. Hayley apologizes for having doubted him. She is duly impressed.

Lou is impressing Brandon with her knowledge of Mexican music. “Hear that rhythm line? It’s so intricate.” Intricate is a big word for such a lil’ lady, is what Brandon is thinking. But instead he says that he didn’t realize she was into different kinds of music and that she’s full of surprises. “There are more where that came from,” she teases. And Brandon eats his food because he’s a guilt-ridden doofus who doesn’t know what else to do. I confess that I was half-hoping he’d choke on his enchilada.

Mike and Ana have been hard at work trying to get through that really big book about alcoholics, and Mike decides they should take a break. He suggest they:

  1. play an innocent game of naked Twister
  2. go visit Lena’s mother in jail. (Sorry, I had to figure out a way to get her in here)
  3. Go to the Mexican fair.
PHOTO CREDIT: NETFLIX

PHOTO CREDIT: NETFLIX

Stef is having her way with that pipe, and sadly I don’t mean it in the way I’d like to mean it. She records herself so that she can send a video to Lena of her fixing the leak.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

“How hot is your mama…in her hot tool belt…using power tools…fixing things. Look at that pipe!” Cue the leak. “Oh, crap!” I’m a lesbian mother who cannot fix things, and I approve this scene.

Back at the fair, Lou and Brandon look on as some guy is getting a tattoo. Lou thinks Brandon should get one. “One, I’m not 18, and two, I’d like to live to 18 which I don’t think would happen if my moms found out I got one of those.” He’s irresistible when he talks about doing everything his moms tell him to do. I completely understand why Lou is besotted. She shows Brandon the tattoo in between her shoulder and boob. Triple spiral, the Wiccan symbol for feminine power in case you were unaware. “I have another one, but I can’t really show it to you here.” Brandon asks what time the stuff starts on the main stage. Finally, Lou asks him what the fuck – but in ABC Family language. But before Brandon can explain himself, Wyatt is on the scene with news of a Liam sighting. Wyatt wants to get Liam to leave, but Brandon doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Brandon doesn’t think anything is a good idea. He happens to be right on this occasion, but I want to smack him upside his head, anyway.

Wyatt and Brandon run through the fair to find Liam and run into Jesus and Hayley. Jesus asks Brandon what he’s doing there, and Brandon says that he told Jesus he was going to this fair this morning. Well, Hayley has found yet another reason to rip Jesus a new asshole. “So you did a bunch of research?? You were stealing your brother’s idea? Really you just wanted to use me for sex?” She needs a whack on the head, too. But Jesus doesn’t smack her upside the head. Jesus asks her what he can do to prove that he’s different from all the other guys.

Mariana sees Mike at the fair and walks over to say hello. Uh oh.

Mike tells her that Ana and he are working the program together. Ana tells her she’s 60 days clean and that she wrote to Stef and Lena about seeing her and Jesus to say how sorry she was. Mariana is completely taken off-guard and says she can’t do this. Mike suggests they go somewhere to talk. He has just jumped the line for head whacking. You can’t ambush a kid with her junkie mother who is now besties with her mother’s ex-husband and expect her to be prepared to go talk. Mariana declines with much more civility than those two morons are due.

Mat catches up to an upset Mariana and asks if she’s ok. Now’s she’s angry enough to say what she’s feeling. She wants to know why Mat brought her to this fair. Because she’s not Latina enough? Because she dyed her hair? He says it’s because he loves it and wanted to share it with her and to celebrate her culture. Mariana says that this is not her culture and that she has no connection to any of this. Mat wants to know who that woman was with Mike.

Callie is texting Wyatt, and we can see that she is freaking.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

Wyatt does not receive her text because he’s busy telling Liam to get out of there. Liam thinks Callie should go after all she did to him, taking him to court in front of his parents and the world and all. “I had sex with her. Trust me. She wanted it.” Cue bad stuff when EVERYONE shows up. The punches fly! Wyatt to Liam. Liam to Wyatt. Brandon to Liam. And then the security shows up. They ask Liam if he wants to call the cops, but Liam spies Callie and says no. Lou shows up in time to witness the blows and tells Brandon that he’s pretty rock n’ roll. Brandon apologizes for being a douche and promises that it’s all on him.

Callie is none too pleased with Wyatt for abandoning her to get into a fight. He says he just wanted to protect her, but she doesn’t want that kind of protection. She’s done with him.

Stef is just about done with the pipe. She takes a look at the hole in the wall she created while “fixing,” and a jet stream of water soaks her all over. Sadly she is not wearing a white t-shirt, and this scene is nothing like the lesbian version of Flashdance.

She picks up a towel to start cleaning up and realizes it’s a baby towel – a little lion hoodie towel. She cries all the tears that she’s been holding back until now. Hash tag: PlumbingCanBeHeartWrenching

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

Lena calls to say that she received Stef’s video and that a plumber is on the way. Stef tells her that she misses the baby and cries s’more.

Later, Mike is at the house telling Stef what transpired at the fair. Brandon shows up battered, and they tend his wounds. Brandon tells them he was trying to stop the fight, but when he saw Liam he got so mad. Mike asks Brandon if he was really mad at him. He tells Brandon that Brandon was, in fact, mad at himself, mad at Mike, and he needs to forgive. Brandon apologizes and Mike says, “I’m sorry, too. Can’t avoid hurting the people you love. That’s just what happens. That’s family, but I’ve got a feeling we’re going to be making amends to each other for the rest of our lives. The only thing that matters is that we keep doing it.” And he seals that bit of foreshadowing for the rest of The Fosters with a kiss on the head.

Stef has her moment with Callie, too. Stef asks how she’s doing, and Callie tells her that she doesn’t think fighting is going to do any good for anyone. Stef tells her that they’re a lot alike. “We think we’ve gotta be strong, tough. Think we’ve gotta get on with things. Sometimes you do and sometimes you just gotta let yourself fall apart, and there’s no shame in that. Not even a little bit.” Sealed with a kiss on the head.

Jesus comes into Callie’s room, and Stef asks if he’s talked to his sister. He hasn’t. He says he’s gotta go work on the paper that he’s been using as an alibi while he cavorts with Hayley. “What am I going to do with him?” she asks Callie. And they laugh because fuck if they know what to do with a kids who’s being completely manipulated by a bunny-boiler.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

And then we follow Jesus to the bathroom where he lifts up his shirt to expose his abs…and also a big bandage covering his new tattoo. Hayley’s name. Ay, Dios Mio, Jesus.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

The festival is closing up now, and few people are left. Mat and Mariana share truths. Mariana hates being Latina because Ana is her only connection to being Mexican. I blame Lena and Stef for that. I would have thought that Lena in particular would have celebrated their culture and taught them a thing or two about being Latino. Guess Lena’s not so perfect after all – though she’d probably find a way to blame Stef for their oversight.

Mat tells Mariana how he spent his life wondering why his father never even bothered to make sure they were alive and about how much he wishes that his father would say he’s sorry just once. Mat buys a flower from the flower lady, and they dance to the music of the sole guitar player who probably has a terrible home life that he’d rather be playing music for these kids than do anything else.

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

PHOTO CREDIT: THE FOSTERS

Stef greets Mariana as she walks through the door and tells her that Mike told her about Ana. Mariana wants to know if Ana really sent a letter asking to see her and Jesus. Stef says she did. Mariana says she wants to see Ana. These boyfriends and girlfriends are wreaking havoc! Come back to us, Lena! Or don’t.

 

 

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4 Comments

  1. Ha,still laughing about both hashtags. Awesome.

  2. I was so irked by the whole, “I don’t identify with my Latino heritage at all” shtick. In the early episode not only did they have a quinceañera (which was clearly NOT “just a party”) but Mariana and Jesus talked to each other in Spanish and Stef seemed to know some passable Spanish. Also, Mariana and Lena connected on growing up in a family that didn’t reflect their own cultural/racial identity in the episode when Lena has it out with her mom. I get that Mariana wants distance from her birth mom – or at least did at the beginning of the episode – but I think her claims that she doesn’t have a connection to her heritage (and the implication that Stef and Lena haven’t helped her maintain that) are as new as her hair color. Or maybe I’m just ranty.

    • So true, Sandra! The writers seem to have forgotten as much as I had about any previous references to Mariana’s connection to her Latina heritage. They could have easily had Mariana go through a rejection period without erasing what had come before. Careless and sloppy. Rant away!

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