Family / Family-building

Even though we ‘aint got money…

Recently, it’s been hard for me to concentrate about anything except money, and finances, and our future. So instead of writing about something “new,” I’m going to let you in on some of the things that have been keeping me up at night. Now, I’m not a stranger to being kept up at night because I’m thinking about money. But in the past it has always been in times of financial strife. Times when I didn’t have any, and was in danger of really falling behind. Times when cereal and ramen were the foundation of my diet. But those times aren’t now.

Now, I’m worrying about “tomorrow” instead of today. We both have 401k’s and retirement programs, but seriously, it doesn’t seem like much. I’ve become paranoid about our future. My biggest fear is the whole cat food diet situation in 30 years. And it scares me. And it scares me to think about bringing a kid into our lives. I mean, right now, we’re fine, but HOW are we going to pay for everything??

In our pipe dream moments, we’re hoping that when we manage to make a baby, I’ll be able to stay home and be mom for a year, or two (or my secret dreams of until #2 comes along, but don’t tell my wife about that or she’ll freak out a little bit) and we won’t have to deal with a day care situation. But can that really happen?? I know that there are ways to….work within the government “system,” but can I really do that? Yes, they’ve been ignoring my family and families like mine for years but can I really exploit that? It’s a tough call. I can also figure out some things that I can do at home to make some extra income, but will that be feasible with a new baby around?

I’ve heard too many times “if you wait till the time is ‘right’ to expand your family, it’ll never happen,” but seriously, it’s hard to get over that fear of…not being able to provide for your children. Am I the only one thinking this kind of stuff? If not, how did you guys get over this, or deal with it so that the voices quiet enough at night so that you can sleep?

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  1. You said it, woman. Every month we look at our checkbook and think: that’s not good. But everything keeps getting paid for somehow.

    How did we get over it? We waited until the babylust was so freakin’ loud we couldn’t hear anything else. It wasn’t logical, but neither is parenting.

  2. I hear you too, J.

    This has been a very financially stressful year, and yet, we’re talking about getting started on #2. How can we possibly afford it?

    I guess, like everything else about being a parent, the money part is ultimately a giant act of faith. You can plan and be careful and responsible etc, but in the end, there are no perfect circumstances, and so we leap.

  3. When I get that fear, I remind myself that my parents brought three of us up on around 1/4 of what E makes now per year, that my dad only worked 6 out of 12 months, that my mom stayed home with us until I was 10years old, and that we never went hungry. We still had piano lessons (I think my gramma paid.) We were never on public assistance except school lunch programs. We didn’t have fancy thing. We wore hand-me-downs from salvation army and the church jumble sale. We all had jobs by the time we were 14 to help out. My brothers both own their own businesses and I am 2 years away from having a Phd. I think we came out just fine.

    This all reminds me to quit worrying about money so much.

  4. We made the rather controversial choice to use some forms of public assistance. Let me know if this is something you want to discuss further privately. It still doesn’t always sit well with me…

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