Extended family

Complexities Of Family

semicircularly tableIn just a few days I will be sitting down to a Christmas dinner with my family.  Not just my partner and our kids, but also with my parents, my partner’s father, and our siblings.  I realize what a blessing this is.  Many couples have to choose between one side of the family or the other for holidays, but we are fortunate enough to have everyone around one table for most of our holidays.  I feel especially lucky because there was a time when I didn’t think jb’s side of the family would ever join us for a celebration.

Not that long ago, I did not see a clear path from where we were then to where we are today.  At that time my partner’s side of family was still struggling with her coming out.  There was a lot of hurt and distance – and I didn’t dare imagine that one day we would all break bread together.  Several years and a couple of grandchildren later we gather regularly.  Holidays, birthdays, graduations…We are often together to celebrate occasions large and small.  Our children are blissfully unaware that right before their arrival there was so much discord and sadness.  All they know is the laughter and love.

I don’t take this for granted.

Many queer people have complicated relationships with their families and the holidays can be challenging.  My wish for all of you is that no matter what your relationship with your family, you find your holidays filled with love and light.  I hope you are surrounded by loved ones – family given or chosen.  If you are facing rejection from loved ones or your family is still lukewarm in their welcoming your partner (and possibly children) into their home – I hope one day soon a change of heart can turn things around and begin to heal the hurt of years past.  Until then, your family here at Lesbian Family is holding you in our hearts.


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  1. Happy New Year to you, too, Sandra!

    We have one of those complicated family situations, but we are surrounded by so many loving people that the thorny people in our lives hardly make a scratch. So very grateful for the good people in our real lives and here on the interwebs. Health, love and laughter to you all!!

  2. The very first thing I wrote for Lesbian Family was about role models and stories that people aren’t seeing. See? http://lesbianfamily.com/2007/07/12/lesbian-families-as-role-models-guest-post/

    I love your post. I love that it talks about the transition that some families are able to make. I love that it celebrates the family we make and hold dear. Forwarding this link on to some friends, two of whom I actually spoke about in that first post.

    • Yes, I don’t think we believed some in our families could change – and they did. A lot. I wish I had known of others whose families had changes of heart. It won’t happen for everyone, but there is hope!

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