Celebrities / Culture / Media

Boxing Day: Ode to Emily Litella

Gabriella: I’m going to take the kids into the city today.

Deborah: Why, is it my birthday?

Gabriella: No. It’s Boxing Day.

Deborah: Botching Day? The day where you say you’re taking the kids into the city but then one of them spontaneously throws up all over the floor and ruins all the plans you make like one of them who shall remain nameless but whose name rhymes with Shmevi did that weekend when we were supposed to go to that holiday party and we got all dressed up with the outfits and the makeup and the hair and just as we were walking out the door….BLEEAAAARRRGGGHHH! He BOTCHED up our evening? Is that’s what’s going to happen? Because if you are going to go into the city with the boys, there will be no botching it up!

Gabriella: They’re fine. They asked if you could go, too, though.

Deborah: So you mean we’re going to celebrate Boshing Day when you force me to come with you and the boys so that I can video bomb all your activities, do you? Hey, look at me with the Chris Bosh sports references! I’m not just a pretty face, you know.

Gabriella: Nice one, but I told them that you are going to stay home…for Boxing Day.

Deborah: Are you going to listen to Skid Row on the way into the city?

Gabriella: Why would we do that?

Deborah: For Bach Sing Day. The day when you honor Sebastian Bach from Skid Row and sing his praises because after he wore that shirt on stage that said AIDS Kills Fags Dead, he admitted he hadn’t read the shirt before he put it on and besides he donated a whopping $12,000 of his own cash to fight AIDS so that makes him okay with fags?

Gabriella: I don’t even know what to say to that one.

Deborah: Well then you must mean Bach Schwing Day when we debate which Bach was hotter, Barbara or Catherine? Daisy Duke is a crowd favorite to be sure, but Barbara was a Bond girl, and half Jewish. When you’re talking girl next door versus hot criminal in wet bathing suits, Anya Amasova gets my… Schwing vote.

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PHOTO CREDIT: DAILY CALLER

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PHOTO CREDIT: ROTTEN TOMATOES

Gabriella: Who are you, Emily Litella?

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PHOTO CREDIT: YAHOO.COM

Deborah: Never mind…

Gabriella: I’m going to take the boys into work so you can have the day. That’s all.

Deborah: Oh, you mean like when the wealthy British toffs would give the servants the day off after Christmas? How very British of you.

Gabriella: You are not a servant.

Deborah: Not even later tonight after the boys go to bed? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?

Gabriella: We’re going now.

Deborah: Okay! I’ll have a box for you to open when you get home…

Asher: What is Mom talking about?

Gabriella: Time to go.

Deborah: Happy Boxing Day!

Asher & Levi: Bye Mom!

Gabriella: Happy Boxing Day.

 

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2 Comments

  1. You’re so bad you’re good. Or versa vice?
    Who in hell is Chris Bosh?

    • I appreciate being identified as both bad and good. Gemini, doncha know?

      Confession. I didn’t know who Chris Bosh was before I started writing this post. Search engines can lead you down peculiar paths no matter where you start. Don’t let them suck you in!

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