Family / Parenting

As my lovely wife and I get ready to “really” start trying to have a second child, we’ve been acknowledging our fears about it.

In a big, vague way, of course we worry about how we’re going to afford “everything.”

But in a more intimate way, we worry about things like whether we’ll like another child as much as we like Noah, whether we’ll have time for each other or ourselves again before 2015 (or later!?), how Noah will react, etc.

Surely we are not alone. What are you afraid of or concerned about, if you’re also working on adding to your family.

Moms (and Babas) of multiple children? How did you cope with these kinds of fears? How has reality been so far? Is there anything you recommend — either doing or steadfastly trying not to do?

  1. oh, those same things still go around and around and around my head when I think about #2. #2 that we haven’t even managed to have yet. #2 that we’ve been trying for for nearly 18 months now. I’m still worried about it. Will the money we spend to have another child take something from Julia? Will the time and attention we give the next child take something from Julia? Will what that child gives to Julia be enough? What about time for myself? Time for Kristin? Time for our relationship?

    Then I remember how I had all these same fears thinking about adding #1 in the first place. And I tell myself that it will all work out.

    And then I’m calm and composed for a while.

    Until we have a bad toddler day with Julia and I start worrying about adding another child all over again.

    I’m wondering how people with more than one children manage it, too.

  2. We have 2 (a boy almost 5 and a girl who’s 2). We had all those same fears and concerns and I can say that for the most part, things have been better than we expected. We love having another being in the house for the kids to interact with besides ourselves. They have there own very significant relationship that is so different than their relationships with us. I guess the hardest thing is that we now have to look out for their 2 separate sets of needs. Just when you get one child transitioned from naps, you have another that has to be in home in bed at a certain time or all hell breaks loose. We are so busy making sure that each of us has quality time with each child that we have very little time for ourselves. If we had worked harder at it, we might have a regular “date night” with a regular babysitter, but our son is pretty high needs (Asperger’s) and we’ve been reluctant to leave both of them with someone if we don’t know that they have the patience of a saint.

    I hate that people have to worry so much about the expense of another child these days, but I realize that it is a big issue, especially when it comes to daycare and college down the road. Other than that, I don’t think a second child has added much to our expenses. We haven’t had to buy any new equipment or toys, and she is very well-clothed with her brother’s hand-me-downs and the clothes she gets as gifts.

    Oh, and we haven’t had any trouble not “liking” the new child enough. They are very different children, but both are indescribably lovable.

  3. I’m expecting twins.
    I’m worried that
    – we won’t have enough money
    – my partner, working on her doctorate, won’t be around enough
    – my mother will be around too much!
    – the babies will alternate crying and sleeping and feeding with no routine between them until I am sobbing in the loungeroom with my head in my hands while the babies wail in their room

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